Hi
Steve - not sure if you are using iTunes on a PC or a Mac? Unless you 'jailbreak' your iPad (and I'm not sure what the options might even be then?), you are pretty much 'stuck' w/ the program - keep in mind that iTunes serves multiple purposes: 1) Repository & organizer for music on your computer; 2) Conduit for transferring music to your iDevices or burning to an optical disc (I do both); 3) Backup for your iDevices whether cabled or wirelessly; and 4) Store to purchase (or obtain material for free, such as podcasts) your media.
Now you really need to explain how you are using iTunes, especially for your music, e.g. do you do 'automatic syncs' or transfer music manually - makes a big difference - for myself, I purchase or rip music to my MBPro, import into iTunes, make playlists and then drag (or burn) the latter to my iPad via a cabled connection - has worked fine for me. Also, have you used or explored the 'cloud' offerings for your music, such as iTunes Match. If not already done, do some googling for articles, videos, etc. that might help (e.g.
HERE). Good luck - Dave