In iTunes 11, if you don't' have the sidebar turned on, your device will show up at the top right; next to the iTunes Store/Library button. Once you select your device the options are close enough to iTunes 10 you should be able to find everything.
Personally, I stick to the USB sync/backup option on the computer for three reasons.
One, I live in a travel trailer, and the computer is never more than a few steps away.
Two, It's faster and more reliable (in my experience).
Three, I mostly rely on the iCloud sync/backups. I do one on the computer once a week or so, as a kind of secondary backup; in case the iCloud backup fails, or gets overwritten before I figure out something important was deleted.
I used to you iTunes all the time, but since apple no longer needed you to really connect to the PC to start the device up when you get it I just never bothered. I no longer have laptop but have access to my other halfs iMac, which is why I didn't have a clue. I did the correct thing and opened up as a new library buy alt and then clicking iTunes and connected and everything but when it opened it blagged my head as iTunes had changed since I had used it last lol
I needed the setting because I was trying to fix a home sharing wifi connection issues, which I ended up doing without messing with the setting I was looking for.
Thanks for the replies tho, those are most helpful for future reference
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