More laughs than Funnies

[leelai]

That's a brilliant poem, Leelai!

Now, here is some recommended reading. "The Specialist" by Charles Sale. I think it is out of copyright and available on-line in PDF format.

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Just read it Richard, mighty fine reading it was too!!

 

[Amy Rose The Hedgehog]

ok so I'm school about a week or 2 ago, we were doing some math while the lower-el kids were playing outside. About 5 minutes later, this little kid from the lower-el playground walks in without his teacher or any of his classmates aware of it. And he said: OOOO THIS IS A CLASSROOM! And nobody was aware until the kid walked up behind one of my classmates and the dude sitting next to him told the teacher, and when the teacher looked, the kid ran around the classroom screaming!!! And then his teacher heard all the commotion and came inside to get the kid. She looked at the kid and said "Sorry buddy, but your not a 5th grader!!" and walked him out the door.

You guys have to read this!

 

[Richard Brown]

How about this...

I was going to print a colour poster, just now. The printer programme invited me to print it using a mixture of the coloured inks, because I was low on black.

Guess what was playing on the radio!

. "Black is Black"! :-D

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[Amy Rose The Hedgehog]

How about this...

I was going to print a colour poster, just now. The printer programme invited me to print it using a mixture of the coloured inks, because I was low on black.

Guess what was playing on the radio!

. "Black is Black"! :-D

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LOL

One time me and my friend were in the car talking about this kid on the bus who acted up sometimes and when we got to my house


This was the biggest coincidence of my life...

We were still talking about him and guess who shows up by my fence?


THE KID WE WERE TALKING ABOUT!!!

He was like: Hi guys

And we were like:

 

[Richard Brown]

Just seen this on the Roots Genealogy forum....



EDIT. I've just spotted the logo on the monitor. Darth needs an urgent upgrade!

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[Amy Rose The Hedgehog]

I once saw a picture and it was a joke about female dogs

You know the other name for female dogs right? (I cant say it because its a bad word)

They were making a joke about it was this comic this sonic fan made a comic with sonic and this random dog character and the random dog character came up to him and said hi and he called her that word and she was like WHAT?!


And I laughed so hard because it was another name for female dog xD

 

[KevinJS]

Réné Descartes walked into a bar. The barman said "Will you have a beer?"

Descartes replied "I don't think..." and disappeared.

 

[Richard Brown]

Réné Descartes walked into a bar. The barman said "Will you have a beer?"

Descartes replied "I don't think..." and disappeared.

Yes. The old ones are usually the best!

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[goofy8275]

Brief conversation between me and Siri:

Me: Tell me a joke.

Siri: Two iPhones walk into a bar. I forget the rest.



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[Richard Brown]

I have just received this. Enjoy



---------- Forwarded message ----------

----- Original

Subject: Fw: Love this Doctor!

Love this Doctor!

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians...

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

----- End of forwarded message -----

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[Hayles66]

Ignorance is bliss, I suppose!

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[Amy Rose The Hedgehog]

Lol this is the funniest video I've ever seen. Its an old lady, calling random people that she doesnt know because she lost her memory, and says random things.

http://m.youtube.com/results?q=old lady phone#/watch?v=22uYDgZXoJQ

 

[leelai]

I found this very funny at times!

 

[leelai]

Sharing of marriage...

The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.


He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.


He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.


Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'


As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything


People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.


Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.
This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'


Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'


She answered --


(Continue below - This is great)










'THE TEETH.'

 

[Richard Brown]

Sharing of marriage...

The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.

Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.
This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'

She answered --

(Continue below - This is great)

'THE TEETH.'

Brilliant.

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