More laughs than Funnies
- Thread starter Richard Brown
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Richard Brown
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I rather liked the following post on a genealogy message board today . . . ....
Three days ago I was taking my usual morning two mile walk with my dog
and noticed these little blue flowers in the drainage ditch were in
bloom. I knew that they were the Alaska State flower but could not
remember for the life of me what they are called. Yesterday as I was
walking by the same patch I remembered they are called "Forget-Me-
Not's." I then appreciated the irony of the name coupled with the
event and started to laugh. Dog was probably trying to figure out what
was going on. I still think it was pretty funny. Humor is where you
find it even if you are not looking for it.
Cheers
Don P. Koch
Then, another person replied . . . ..... .
Nice one Don
The time to really worry is when you get home and wonder whose dog it is
thats at the end of the leash in your hand <g>
Nivard
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Three days ago I was taking my usual morning two mile walk with my dog
and noticed these little blue flowers in the drainage ditch were in
bloom. I knew that they were the Alaska State flower but could not
remember for the life of me what they are called. Yesterday as I was
walking by the same patch I remembered they are called "Forget-Me-
Not's." I then appreciated the irony of the name coupled with the
event and started to laugh. Dog was probably trying to figure out what
was going on. I still think it was pretty funny. Humor is where you
find it even if you are not looking for it.
Cheers
Don P. Koch
Then, another person replied . . . ..... .
Nice one Don
The time to really worry is when you get home and wonder whose dog it is
thats at the end of the leash in your hand <g>
Nivard
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Richard Brown
iPF Novice
I liked this, posted on another forum.....
I can't resist sharing one of my favourite stories which may prove to say
that we city people in non farming/ranching parts of Western Canada probably
don't know the term "beast".
As a young bride I left city life to rent a house that backed onto a cattle
farm. I soon learned that cattle were escape artists or our local farmer was
a poor fence keeper as it became a common occurrence to have the herd appear
on the wrong side of the fence. They'd come charging down the road and
spread into the yards tromping over the garden frantic to get back through
our solid fence to the safety of their pasture.
Annoyed on this occasion and in the panic of the moment I called up the
farmhouse and yelled, "The cows are in my yard!" There was a long pause.
Then a voice said in calm response: "Cows?.....Do you mean the heifers!"
But, yes...my Lincolnshire born granddad Edward Plowright called them
'beasts'.
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I can't resist sharing one of my favourite stories which may prove to say
that we city people in non farming/ranching parts of Western Canada probably
don't know the term "beast".
As a young bride I left city life to rent a house that backed onto a cattle
farm. I soon learned that cattle were escape artists or our local farmer was
a poor fence keeper as it became a common occurrence to have the herd appear
on the wrong side of the fence. They'd come charging down the road and
spread into the yards tromping over the garden frantic to get back through
our solid fence to the safety of their pasture.
Annoyed on this occasion and in the panic of the moment I called up the
farmhouse and yelled, "The cows are in my yard!" There was a long pause.
Then a voice said in calm response: "Cows?.....Do you mean the heifers!"
But, yes...my Lincolnshire born granddad Edward Plowright called them
'beasts'.
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Richard Brown
iPF Novice
I also like this one, which was emailed to a group. I'm sorry that I cannot put in the clip art, which adds that "Je ne sais quoi".
The Alphabet, as we were taught . . . . .
A is for apple, and B is for boat,
That used to be right, but now it won't float!
Age before beauty is what we once said,
But let's be a bit more realistic instead.
Now for the new Alphabet:
A's for arthritis;
B's the bad back,
C's the chest pains, perhaps car-d-iac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
H high blood pressure--I'd rather it low;
I for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L 's for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!
P for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll
be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; troubles with flow;
V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know.
W for worry, now what's going 'round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y for another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest I still have-- in my mind!
I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, and I'm keeping
twenty-six doctors fully employed!
HAVE A GREAT DAY !
Sent from my iPad 1 using iPF - Greetings
The Alphabet, as we were taught . . . . .
A is for apple, and B is for boat,
That used to be right, but now it won't float!
Age before beauty is what we once said,
But let's be a bit more realistic instead.
Now for the new Alphabet:
A's for arthritis;
B's the bad back,
C's the chest pains, perhaps car-d-iac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
H high blood pressure--I'd rather it low;
I for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L 's for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!
P for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll
be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; troubles with flow;
V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know.
W for worry, now what's going 'round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y for another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest I still have-- in my mind!
I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, and I'm keeping
twenty-six doctors fully employed!
HAVE A GREAT DAY !
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Richard Brown
iPF Novice
I had to chuckle at this early 20thC UK census entry.
A 75 year old visitor to a household described her occupation ad "Performs domestic duties."
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A 75 year old visitor to a household described her occupation ad "Performs domestic duties."
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Richard Brown
iPF Novice
The banana boat Song. I found this parody on UTube
I'm certain the Goons did the original parody there are lots of references under "The Mysterious punch up your Conker."
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Edit update. My memory! It was Stan Freberg, not the Goons! Link to a Wiki article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Day-O_(The_Banana_Boat_Song)
In my searches, I found a Goons album on the Decca label with classics, such as the Ying Tong Song and I'm walking backwards to Christmas on it.
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I'm certain the Goons did the original parody there are lots of references under "The Mysterious punch up your Conker."
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Edit update. My memory! It was Stan Freberg, not the Goons! Link to a Wiki article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Day-O_(The_Banana_Boat_Song)
In my searches, I found a Goons album on the Decca label with classics, such as the Ying Tong Song and I'm walking backwards to Christmas on it.
Sent from my iPad 1 using iPF - Greetings
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stranding
iPF Noob
Richard Brown said:The banana boat Song. I found this parody on UTube YouTube Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQ9v2-OsV6w&feature=youtube_gdata_player
I'm certain the Goons did the original parody there are lots of references under "The Mysterious punch up your Conker."
Sent from my iPad 1 using iPF - Greetings
Edit update. My memory! It was Stan Freberg, not the Goons! Link to a Wiki article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Day-O_(The_Banana_Boat_Song)
In my searches, I found a Goons album on the Decca label with classics, such as the Ying Tong Song and I'm walking backwards to Christmas on it.
Sent from my iPad 1 using iPF - Greetings
My DH told me he bought the Ying Tong single & played it non-stop at home for weeks...till someone sat on it by mistake & broke it. What a dreadful shame
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My DH told me he bought the Ying Tong single & played it non-stop at home for weeks...till someone sat on it by mistake & broke it. What a dreadful shame
Now that's funny!!
The funeral service just barely finished, when there was massive bolt of lightning,
followed by a tremendous clap of thunder, accompanied by
Even more thunder rumbling in the distance...
The little old man looked at the vicar and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'
followed by a tremendous clap of thunder, accompanied by
Even more thunder rumbling in the distance...
The little old man looked at the vicar and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'
Only those who have used an outside dunny would appreciate this.
The service station trade was slow
The owner sat around,
With sharpened knife and cedar stick
Piled shavings on the ground.
No modern facilities had they there,
The log across the rill
Led to a shack, marked His and Hers
That sat against the hill.
"Where is the ladies lavatory, sir?"
The owner leaning back,
Said not a word but whittled on,
And nodded toward the shack.
With quickened step she entered there
But only stayed a minute,
Until she screamed, just like a snake
Or spider might be in it.
With startled look and beet red face
She bounded through the door,
And headed quickly for the car
Just like three Sheila's before.
She missed the foot bridge - jumped the stream
The owner gave a shout,
As her silk stockings, down at her knees
Caught on a acacia sprout.
She tripped and fell - got up, and then
In obvious disgust,
Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,
And faded in the dust.
Of course we all desired to know
What made the gals all do
The things they did, and then we found
The whittling owner knew.
A speaking system he'd devised
To make the thing complete,
He tied a speaker on the wall
Beneath the toilet seat.
He'd wait until the dames got set
And then the devilish tike,
Would stop his whittling long enough,
To speak into the mike...
And as she sat, a voice below
Struck terror, fright and fear,
"Will you please use the other hole,
We're painting under here!"
The service station trade was slow
The owner sat around,
With sharpened knife and cedar stick
Piled shavings on the ground.
No modern facilities had they there,
The log across the rill
Led to a shack, marked His and Hers
That sat against the hill.
"Where is the ladies lavatory, sir?"
The owner leaning back,
Said not a word but whittled on,
And nodded toward the shack.
With quickened step she entered there
But only stayed a minute,
Until she screamed, just like a snake
Or spider might be in it.
With startled look and beet red face
She bounded through the door,
And headed quickly for the car
Just like three Sheila's before.
She missed the foot bridge - jumped the stream
The owner gave a shout,
As her silk stockings, down at her knees
Caught on a acacia sprout.
She tripped and fell - got up, and then
In obvious disgust,
Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,
And faded in the dust.
Of course we all desired to know
What made the gals all do
The things they did, and then we found
The whittling owner knew.
A speaking system he'd devised
To make the thing complete,
He tied a speaker on the wall
Beneath the toilet seat.
He'd wait until the dames got set
And then the devilish tike,
Would stop his whittling long enough,
To speak into the mike...
And as she sat, a voice below
Struck terror, fright and fear,
"Will you please use the other hole,
We're painting under here!"
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Richard Brown
iPF Novice
That's a brilliant poem, Leelai!
Now, here is some recommended reading. "The Specialist" by Charles Sale. I think it is out of copyright and available on-line in PDF format.
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Now, here is some recommended reading. "The Specialist" by Charles Sale. I think it is out of copyright and available on-line in PDF format.
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Richard Brown
iPF Novice
leelai said:
very useableSent from my iPad 1 using iPF - Greetings
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