More laughs than Funnies

[Richard Brown]

ALWAYS ASK, NEVER ASSUME!!


His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for CNN', he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'


The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'



"Life is short.
Drink the good wine first."

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[leelai]

Love it Richard.

 

[Hayles66]

OMG. That is funny, Richard! My dad can fly. He trained in South Africa.

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[Richard Brown]

OMG. That is funny, Richard! My dad can fly. He trained in South Africa.

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I love the dry sense of humour in the aviation world.

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[Richard Brown]

A thought occurred to me in the aftermath of the Duke of Edinburgh's latest, rather unfortunate, gaffe...

As a result of the Royal Jubilee visit to Bromley, the town has inherited the laughing policeman!

If you don't get it, Google.

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[KevinJS]

Just stole this. Thought I'd share it here.

Jeff Foxworthy on Canada......

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May,you may live in Canada .

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Canada .

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in
Canada .

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Canada .

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of Detroit for the weekend, you may live in Canada .

If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Canada .

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Canada

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again, you may live in Canada

If you can drive 90 kms/hr through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you may live in Canada .

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Canada .

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Canada .

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit,you may live in Canada .

If the speed limit on the highway is 80km -- you're going 90 and everybody is passing you, you may live in Canada .

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you may live in Canada .

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter,
and road construction, you may live in Canada

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you may live in Canada .

If you find 2 degrees 'a little chilly', you may live in Canada

If you actually understand these jokes you definitely live in Canada
__________________
*Definition of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result* Albert Einstein

 

[Richard Brown]

Brilliant, Kevin. V V funny!

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[leelai]

Love them Kevin.....I definitely don't live in Canada!

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[skimonkey]

Yup--I have heard quite a few of these from our neighbors of the North!

 

[Pinkpoison]

theres a lot of funnies on Facebook,trouble is by the time i clean them up there wouldn't be much left!

 

[Richard Brown]

I hope the following is OK. I'm sure it is....

Some Senior Thoughts

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the
good fortune to run into the ones I do... and the eyesight to tell the
difference.

Now that I'm older(but refuse to grow up) here's what I've discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.

3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

6. If all is not lost, where is it?

7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

8. Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.

10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

12. It's hard to make a comeback when you really haven't been anywhere.

13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're
in the bathroom.

14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to
play chess?

16. It 's not hard to meet expenses . . .they're everywhere.

17.The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

18.These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .

I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm hereafter

19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

20. I'M UNABLE TO REMEMBER WHETHER I'VE SENT YOU THIS BEFORE.........

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[leelai]

I've seen quite a few of these Richard but this was a new one to me....

Unless I've forgotten it already.

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[Hayles66]

Hee hee

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[Francis11]

haha, good read

 

[Richard Brown]

Yes! Congratulations on finding that so quickly

Completely daft, isn't it? But very funny! Those two started it. Not just in that sketch but always -- whenever the word "Arsenal" came up, there was the quicksilver response cough. Why?? Who knows, but, knowing them, think it was because the word sounds a tad rude...

So now, those of us bitten by the M&W bug & old enough to know better, always follow Arsenal with a cough or two. Or the other way round, of course!
Now you know. Learn a little something every day!

Indeed! For some reason I thought of the 2Rs in that shop sketch - The Four Candles one. I will google for the video link and edit this post to suit.....


Here it is folks....

I've pasted this into this thread as it does belong here.

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